I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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