Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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