All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
