Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just found puke in my bra..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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