The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
