he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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