could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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