i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
