I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
