Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm at about main and main street
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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