so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
