Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
