U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
