Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
