dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
birth control should be required to get into college
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
