you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
