We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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