somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
