If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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