At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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