That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
