Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
being pregnant is like rehab
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
