Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
