I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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