masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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