We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
