I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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