Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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