I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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