Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
