you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
