he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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