he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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