What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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