I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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