I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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