I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
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I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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