She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
