I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
