just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
