I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
