Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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