Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize