Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
