I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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