you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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