hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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