Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
