I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
