So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
