the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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