Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have already put on my inside pants.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
