I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
