Duck Duck Cougar?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
