Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
