The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
