i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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