would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize