I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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