I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
