Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
