He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
