theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am available for nakedness
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
