Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
