Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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