If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
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I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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