idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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