I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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