i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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