She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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