just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize