my vag is so smooth its legendary
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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