Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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