Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
