New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
