I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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