She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
