My friends, they love my intelligence
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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