I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
