I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
